Bill Davis - "An Address By Vice-President Aleviszos Before A Game With the Milwaukee Brewers In June 1973 In Section 33 In Left Field"

Now I know you fellas,
you're the best damn ushers
in both leagues.
And the best paid, too.
Now Mr. Yawkey's coming up for tonight's game
from Winter Haven, his first game of year.
Now it'd be nice if his boys won,
but what's more important
is that everything here be right.
Now I know I don't have to say much.
You fellas been doing a good job for years,
and you young guys,
I know you love working here.

Now there's a few things I have to talk about
that aren't really very pleasant,
but I'm afraid we need to talk about them.
Let me begin by apologizing
because it's only a few I'm talking to,
and you know who you are.
Now we don't ask much, just that you be neat,
on time, treat the customers right,
and enforce and obey regulations
established for everyone's protention.

Let me get to the point.
First. One of the rules here
is no drinking on the job.
Don't laugh.
I don't care
if you have one across the street
before you come to work,
McGuinness'll judge if you're good.
And I couldn't care less
if you get shitfaced afterwards.
But not while you're representing
the Boston Red Sox.
No nip bottles. No beer on your break.
Next man caught be out a job.
There's lots would be in your shoes.

Second. Then there's the matter
of tickets recirculated at a profit
during the first few innings.
We don't know who's doing it yet
so there's time to stop,
but as soon as we catch him
that boy's out of work too.

Third. The last thing I wish
I didn't have to talk about.
Now I know it's not job
to stop marijuana,
that's for the cops to do.
And by the way,
we got fifteen new plains clothes,
bring in the total to twenty-seven.
But I have heard some of
you guys in the bleachers,
during a game, in uniform,
have been seen smoking marijuana.
Now the first one I see
is one sorry bastard.
Believe me,
this is the kind of thing
that can ruin baseball.

Now I'll be up
with Mr. Yawkey tonight,
with my binoculars,
and let's just make sure
everything is right.
I appreciate your patience
with these unpleasant matters.
Now if only we get some hits
and Bill Lee keeps his curve down,
it'll be a good night.
Thank you.


Local 254, 1976